Enough with the Buzzwords, Say Something Meaningful Already

Written By: Tony Covey

You’ve probably already heard, but there’s a new club about to hit the market. It offers everything you want in a golf club (and way more). In fact, it’s absolutely the perfect club for you (and everybody else).

It offers super-high MOI for stability and forgiveness, but doesn’t sacrifice the control or workability (emphasis for bullshit) players such as yourself demand. The center of gravity has been precisely placed to offer higher launch and lower spin…unless you need more spin, in which case, it offers that too (just add loft).

Because of all of that, not to mention the precision aerodynamics, it’s long. I’m talking Ridonkulong. Maybe even 10 yards longer…[gasp]…maybe even 17 YARDS LONGER. Also…something about dispersion. Presumably, it’s tight.

Holy shit! You need this. We need this.

And don’t worry, with its precise hosel-based loft adjustment capabilities (not to mention the other shiny things that slide, flip, move and lock), its fitting capabilities are so robust (yet so simple) your half-blind grandmother can precisely fit your golden retriever in 30 seconds or less.

I’m talking about the club to end all clubs.

And folks, if you’re not already sold, let me just tell you that this new offering is the most innovative golf club design ever produced. Seriously. It’s absolutely more innovative than the previously innovative design than came before it, and as you may recall, that thing was SERIOUSLY innovative.

This one…it touches the boundaries of innovation. The next one will shatter those same boundaries.

If you take nothing else away from what you’ve been told about this exciting new club, please…please…please remember that it’s uber innovative.

I Want this Club…What is It?

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m not talking about any club, I’m talking about basically every club.

On more than one occasion readers have suggested that the golf companies are completely out of ideas.

I would actually argue that over the last couple of years we’ve seen some pretty cool new, or at least new-and-improved ideas. Maybe they’re actually functional. Maybe they’re just props to have something new to talk about, but as far as eye-candy goes, Speed Slots (and pockets), gravity cores, cavities on the bottom of candy apple red drivers, it’s all pretty cool stuff; that is to say, at least it looks cool.

Does it actually matter if any of it does anything?

The Language Deficit

It’s not ideas that golf companies have run out of, it words. There’s a language deficit right now. Marketing speak (and double-speak) has been exhausted to such a degree that I can’t actually fault Callaway even a little for introducing Ridonkulong into the vernacular.

Ridonkulong isn’t even a word, and yet it actually has more meaning than most of the boilerplate heard it, seen it, stuff that gets put into print these days. It’s almost brilliant in its near total meaninglessness.

Discuss Among Yourselves

I’m going to do something I don’t do very often. I’m going to stop talking (and typing) because I want to hear what you think.

In golf’s golden age of Buzzword Bingo, what still resonates with you? Are their words and phrases that catch your attention?

What language invariably causes you to lose interest?

What is the most insidious word or phrase in the language of golf marketing?

What can golf companies actually do cut through your own cynicism and actually get you to consider their technologies and products.

As I said, discuss among yourselves.